Being Nice to Gain Approval Kills Emotional Tension aka Attraction
- December 14, 2019
- Posted by: admin
- Category: Blog
Contrary to what our mothers told us and what society tells us, being nice to gain approval simply does not work with women. To an attractive women, a man is just a number within a marketplace of men always available to her that she looks at as the same since she is approached all the time. In the West, she differentiates them based upon how she feels with them primarily which is driven by his social value/standing, and her feeling is called emotional tension (attraction). The problem with nice is that the male does not know but she is auditioning him for the role he is going to play with her, the director of attraction whom he either qualifies or disqualifies for. She is continuously evaluating him for this role as to whether or not he can act in an environment of uncertainty and tension in a cool, calm, and even arrogant way. That is he above all challenges in nature and manmade. This is the algorithm that is continuously running in her brain and the attraction mechanism is her signal as to whether you qualify or not. The emotional part of her brain associated with the desire to produce healthy and sustainable offspring sees this as attractive and floods her with the emotional tension experienced as attraction. The male most often has no idea that he is being evaluated for this role from the very time he interacts with her. She is categorizing him as either a friend (beta) or sexual interest (alpha).
Instead of demonstrating that he can act in a context of uncertainty where other men would crack, the male acts nice in order to diffuse the built in emotional tension between the sexes. In doing so, he kills attraction between her to him. All he had to do was stoke the emotional tension by being cocky and teasing and continue to vibe on that until he can isolate and escalate physically with her and then they end up having sex and beginning a relationship. In short, when it comes to Love Dynamics, nice is the enemy of attraction. She doesn’t know she is alpha testing since this is the emotional part of her brain that happens automatically rather than being a conscious process that she does by choice. The emotion of attraction gets activated in the presence of certain cues in the male that are associated with the masculine archetype called alpha. Alpha is emotional tension inducing. Beta is emotional tension killing.
The nice guy thinks that by rapport-seeking, empathy, and supplication he can enter a woman’s life and eventually she will make a move when she feels it is time to be sexual. He is afraid that his sexual advancement will hurt her feelings so he never makes a move. The nice guy listens to what women say instead of observing what they actually respond to.